you're never scared to walk through the fire, i wish i had your faith.

it's been a while...
i have no idea where to begin with things that have been going on.
i'm back home for summer now, i've pretty much emptied my room at uni now, eurgh, i have to go back tomorrow and finish clearing out my room, really cannot be bothered with that at all. i went the other day with my dad, completely filled a van, didn't realise i had so much crap, oops :/ so basically my bedroom at home is just full of plastic bags and some things are in the garage and some are in the conservatory and just, yeah, really can't be bothered to unpack, it's looking like i'm living like a complete mess for the entire summer, joy.
i think i need to have one of those crazy sessions where i throw away loads of clothes and sort my life out a bit, haha, i really do say that far too much :')
it's strange being back.
to think that i'm only like a bus ride away from people that i've wanted to see for ages yet nothings being done about it is a good feeling, yeah, it's great. it's really strange to think about how much everything's changing, i have like, one person who i turn to with all of it aswell which should probably make me sad but more than anything it just makes me feel happy, happy and lucky, always with the lucky. i think i just need to get some proper sleep and have a holiday, i'm starting to think that i actually need one.
eurgh, this is all getting really depressing now so i'm going to just whack the sadness out and then move on, swiftly.
i'm really, really wanting my nana lyn to be okay. i mean, i know she's never going to be okay again and as weird as it sounds i kind of accepted that quite a while ago but i can't help but think about andrew and adam and how they will be effected by the whole situation and just how much of an impact this has had on them so far and stuff... i just wish she'd be okay, since turning 18 and for obvious reasons and stuff, i've had so much more respect for her and i'm going to do my very best to ensure that she knows just how loved she is.
blaaaah. i'm not even going to properly going to go into the rest of it but it's fine, obviously know where i stand now and it comes down to the fact that i'm actually starting to quite like the person i'm becoming and the person i already am and that's a really big deal to me and if it was flipped and was the other way round, i'd be so happy for you, in fact, i'd be more than happy but i guess that's just me thinking of myself again. i wish you'd see how much you mean to me and how much i want us to be okay again, i feel at such a loss without you and i know that i've not been as - i don't know what the word i'm trying to use here is... - as i could have been or as i should have been and stuff but i'm just, aw, i can't even explain it, i've tried but i'm pretty sure that just failed.
SADNESS DONE.
i saw sex and the city 2! FINALLY!
it was really, really good! i'm not sure if i prefer it too the first one, this one was definately funnier though... my love for carrie grew which i thought was impossible but hey, apparently not. argh, mr big! just, aw, all of it was amazing! i went with daniboii and chantelle, how random is that?! was so much fun though, cheeky bit of nandos... "table for madeline!" - oh god. me and chan ended up going to the village afterwards for cocktails and had such a good catch up, it was lovely.

i got a blackberry curve, how exciting?!
now you have to understand that  the fact that i am being in charge of my own contract and the fact that i have a decent phone is a huuuuge thing for me, so, no £800 phone bills and no smashed up phone or wine in the keypad, good times all round really!
i went to see leona lewis last niiiight, how exciting is that?! i went with my mum, her best friend marie and marie's son ethan, it was so last minute and i wasn't overly amazed at the thought of going. i've always thought leona has a really really good voice but just had it in my mind that she was a bit kind of lifeless or something but i was so, so wrong, she was absolutely amazing. she's gorgeous and has really good stage presence and stuff, her dancers were amaaazing aswell, aw, i just loved it. cheeky bit of gabriella cilmi too, she was goooood.

"going, coming, thought i heard a knock, who's there? no one. thinking that i deserved it, now i really realise that i really didn't..."