dear you,
piss knows why i'm not putting your name, anyone that knows me properly at all will know exactly who i'm writing about on here but yeah... it's crazy how much i still miss you, it actually makes me feel sick. you weren't just my friend, you were the best of the best friends and everyone knew it. i don't know how we ended up becoming such good friends but it's one of the best things that ever happened to me. looking back now, the majority of my best memories are with you, most of me growing up is with you, it's really strange. k, so i just went on my old piczo site (lol.) and read some of the memory things that i put that we had and it honestly brought tears to me eyes :/ eurgh. you were the friend that my parents saw as another daughter, you would come to mine on christmas day night just because, family holidays, you were there, in two and a half weeks we spent fourteen hours apart without even realising, family birthdays and stuff, skipping school, college open days... everything, we did together. you saw me through some of the toughest things i've ever, ever been through and to this day, you know things about me that nobody else knows and that'll probably be how it forever remains, score. it pisses me off looking back now because i think that, at times , without realising it, i put a relationship before me and you but i swear i didn't realise i was doing that because me and you just came so easy, it was like family and we always knew that we were more important than any relationship. i remember you were the first person i came out as bi to, it was april 22nd in year 10 and we were in my room at my nanas and you should have been in german and i should have been in french and i told you about me and bexx and all i remember is you hugging me then asking if we could have chips for breakfast and 'did my nana have any decent pies in?', you'll never know how much that meant to me, you were there for me through absolutely everything. you were the kind of person that kept your distance in the dramatic situations that seemed to follow me around like mad but it just kind of worked that way, we weren't even in the same half year so hardly saw each other during lesson times and whatever but i'd get the 42 back to yours after school and just go and, well, be. i'll never forget when things all blew up though and for the first time, you switched and flipped out and came after me and i was like, wow, this is seriously incredible, i can't explain it but it meant the world to me that you went out of your way to look out for me, so much so that your persona changed. it killed me to see you go through what you went through, i'm not going to go into it because it'll really upset me but if i had to go back, given the chance again, i would have done it all the same because that's just how much you meant to me, you being healthy and happy was far more important than if me and you were going to remain how we'd been for so long, i know that sounds crazy but that's just how it is. when we really drifted apart, it messed me up so much, like, seriously, i was waiting for all relationships around me to just crumble to bits and whilst waiting for that to happen, i sort of ripped them down because i was too scared to wait anymore. we've not been the same for aaaages now, since like year 12 but i still really miss you and probably always will.
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