I love you so much that sometimes I forget to breathe.

I don't like being on such a downer but I really am at the minute, for very obvious reasons.
I wish I wasn't but I am and i'm trying to deal with it as best as I can.
I'm not all about the sadness though, I like lots of things :)

I like clean bedding.
I like walking in the rain.
I like walking round the park for hours listening to my iPod.
I like laughing so much it hurts.
I like it when i'm hungry and I remember my mum's been shopping that day, nom.
I like late nights and lie ins.
I like having really long baths.
I like reading for ages.
I like seeing Manchester when i've been away from it for a while.
I like finding songs that match my emotions exactly.
I like good films.
I like weird videos.
I like sandwiches.
I like catssssssss.
I like downloading music.
I like letters.
I like lamps.

I like LOADS of things.
I just like them so much better when i'm with you.
I like everything better with you.

You're the one thing I truly love.

Just a small town girl, living in lonely world xo

I'm on msn to the lovely Princess Rhi Rhi and this is what I just said; I'm tryna do a blog which means I have to go into my thoughts, not sure if that's a good thing or not...

She just told me to dedicate it to her, I might do just that you know, get the creativity running and stuff :))

This girl is pretty immense. It's that simple really. She has made me see that opposites really do attract, it's really strange cos she's an absolute girlie girl and i'm not so much and I used to think that she only made me realise that opposites attract, they rub off onto each other cos I find myself relating to her in a way I never really thought I would and I really like it. She doesn't even go to Maggie B ("SHE DOESN'T EVEN GO HERE!!") yet everyone absolutely loves her and she just chills in on our hall meetings and stuff ("It's like St. Trinians!") which just goes to show how immense she is. Seriously, I freak out when she's not cotching around halls, I get seriously worried! We have been close for a good while now, obvsssss but over this holiday we've been speaking loooads (seriously, none of my beautiful group of girlies have lives, it's a joke.) not just about the random crap (hello stalking mel c?!) but really important things aswell, it's weird cos I know the things that she has said and told me and whatever are things that i'm going to keep with me for the rest of my life and that to me is pretty crazy but I love it because i'd quite like to keep her in my life for that amount of time aswell, that amount of time being the rest of my life :) This is gonna be stupidly cringey and stuff so look away now but I really wish she'd realise that she is a princess in her own right, not a disney one, one better than that, one that I admire, one that I get paraletic with, one that I repect and one that is one of the bestest friends I could everrr ask for!

xoxoxoxoxoxox

"How happy is the blameless Vestal’s lot! The world forgetting, by the world forgot Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! Each pray’r accepted, and each wish resign’d”

o.O

I never, ever know how to start these things off you know :/

I'm actually going to type and type tonight, none of this weird cryptic crap, no, no more of that, just pure, open honesty, let's goooo.

I'm actually feeling alright. One minute i'll be fine then the next i'll be in complete turmoil, honestly, never experienced anything like this before, to say it's stressful is an absolute understatement but yeah... I know that things always work out how they're meant to in the end and I accept that, i'll accept anything that's thrown at me, I honestly don't have the strength to fight it anymore, it's just the waiting around for things to work out how they're meant to, that's the tricky bit.

Keeping busy is key, it's pretty fun aswell :D

I went to see The Bounty Hunter the other night with Naomi. We went to a late showing and ended up sat on tesco bench for almost two hours discussing everything, it was so nice. Ooh weirdness! Take back this city just came on my itunes whilst i'm talking about Naomi, I love it when things like that happen. The film was really good aswell, mmm Jennifer Aniston, mmm Gerard Butler. Absolutely delicious serrriously :)

I ended up driving round what seemed like the world with Jack the other night aswell which was nice, odd but nice! We were meant to be going to the cinema but he 'couldn't be arsed' so we ended up driving to Bramhall, Davenport, Hazel Grove, some other random place and some other place after that, then we went to the massive tesco in Stockport and I got some salt and vinegar crisps and some juice, it took me 40 minutes to eat my crisps, i'm not too sure what's wrong with me and my weirdness with crisps... So yeah, that was fun.

I went to town with Caz today which consisted of me having a happy meal whilst she was falling asleep, a random look around Schuh, a strange amount of buskers - a rapper and a saxaphone and an old man with a microphone, cd player and a pop party album, my god I love Manchester! a really strange bus journey that seemed to last foreverrrr, an icky man with cigarettes, krispy kreeeeemes, nanny mcphee 2 :D and random walks, all in all, a pretty good day :))

I've been having loads of really in depth conversations on msn with Rhia and Emma recently, it's the best thing in the worrrrld. Honestly, the other night we were just there for like, 4 hours discussing EVERYTHING and when I say everything, I really mean it. I feel so stupidly blessed to have friends like them and the other four, it scares me sometimes cos I really can't imagine them not being in my life. Wow, things got a bit deep then...

K how good is Daniel Bedingfield's first album?! Seriously! It's one of those that I can put on and listen to from start to finish, I love it! Owww, my legs itchy :/ I've already started spending my next bit of loan in my head, mmm, I honestly cannot wait! Those shoe boot things from River Island? As good as miiine mate ;) Oh no, I think the pointless rambling is about to start, ahah, as if all of this isn't pointless rambling?!

YOU SAID I'M ARRESTING,
YOU SAID I HAD HEAT,
I REALLY THOUGHT THAT WE'D GO FURTHER,
THE SECOND TIME WE'D MEET,
I'M TIRED OF TRYING TO KEEP YOU,
ALL I WANT TO DO IS SLEEP,
AND MAYBE WHEN I'M SLEEPING,
YOU'LL GET BACK ON YOUR FEET,
MAYBE WE FORGOT, ALL THE THINGS WE ARE WHEN WE ARE TOGETHER.

< 3

"If I cry a little, die a little, at least I know i've lived."

it starts with forever and ends with a touch.

"MAYBE WE FORGOT ALL THE THINGS WE ARE WHEN WE ARE TOGETHER."

i'm so scared :/ please, please, please, let it go okay.

I will show you, you're so much better than you know.

"Maybe when your heart at soul are burning at you, you might see, that everytime i'm talking to you, it's always over too soon, everyday feels so incomplete til you walk into the room."
It'd be so much easier if I didn't feel this way. So why do I love feeling this way? I love it and hate it all at the same time. Oh Natasha, baaaabe, sort your life out please. I completely understand why this is happening and I agree with it yet at the same time, I don't understand any of it and I completely disagree with all of it. It's such a mess. I'm the one making it into a mess though. Why can't I just turn my brain onto something else? Okay, note to self, your mind is not a television. It's fine, it's fine, it's fiiiine, everything always turns out the way it's meant to, if that means the hurt, it's okay because it'll lead to something better eventually. Why do I chat the biggest amount of bollocks going? Seriously. What is wrong with me? This is not okay. It's not going to be okay. I don't want it to be fucking okay. Why should it be? I am so scared i'm going to forget a single thing.
I made the stupid mistake of going through my old box of letters and stuff last night. Clever Tash, reallyyy clever -- 08/07/07; '...you're wearing a red and black top, you look really pretty and i'm falling for you.'


If you had any sense, you would've stayed away.
PLEASE COME BACK.

If I start a commotion, I run this risk of losing you and that's worse.

"I’ve loved you from the first time I saw you. I think I was twelve. It took me three years to pluck up the courage to speak to you. But I was so scared of the way I felt, you know, loving a girl. I learned how to become a sarcastic bitch just to make it feel normal. I screwed guys to make it go away, but it didn’t work. When we got together, it scared the shit out of me because you were the one person who could ruin my life. I pushed you away. I made you think things were your fault, but really, I was just terrified of pain. I screwed that girl Sophia to kinda spite you for having that hold on me. I’m a total fucking coward because I got these, these tickets to go for us three months ago. But I, but I couldn’t stand… I didn’t want to be a slave for the way I feel about you. Can you understand? You were trying to punish me back and it’s horrible. It’s so horrible because, really, I’d die for you. I love you. I love you so much and it’s killing me."

you saved my life.

Suddenly, i'm becoming part of your past,
I'm becoming the part that don't last,
I'm losing you and it's effortless.

it's getting a bit late for this sort of thing...

Back of the scooter, I clutch your waist, we rode away into the night where reality breaks. I look at you and take a picture with my hands, not much to do, sit and laugh away at things. We're on the ride and we're still jumping in and we're on the ride and we're still jumping into rivers. There's no fight, there's no challenges with you, just the night the crescent sunshine right on cue, come inside, we don't need anything or need anyone or any place, just the sun, just the sun. We're on the ride, we're still jumping in, we're still jumping into rivers, into rivers. Everything's changing colours, so everything seems so perfect, we won't know each other tomorrow but everyday's been worth it, we're on the run and we're still jumping in...

You took the part that was once my heart, so why not take all of me?

"It's the way I miss you, even before you leave."

:)

I've been neglecting this quite a lot again recently, not too sure why I even bother writing it anymore as i'm pretty sure not a single person reads it, whatever, it'll be a nice thing for me to look back over in a few months or whatever, let's just wait and see...

Back on track yeah? So i've been neglecting this, i've had loads going on though uni wise and stuff and to be honest, my head's been a bit all over the place recently, not even sure why but it's been going on a while now and i'm under the impression that it's not going to go away. Get used to it? Suuuure, why not?!

I spent this past weekend at Emmas house in Peterborough and i'm not even joking when I say I had the nicest time i've had in a while :) It was such a chill and just nice to be somewhere a bit different... I missed the rest of my girls and stuff but I think I was going quite insane with all my stupid thoughts and I think that a change of scenery has done me good, i'm pretty sure i'm looking at things slightly differently now which has to count for something. Anyway, I had such a nice time, so surreal at times but overall it was just nice :)

As you can see, I spent pretty much the entire weekend laughing like an absolute weirdo, it was exactly what I needed :) Thankyou Parsnipssss, my partner in crime! Hm, what else has been going on? Michael Buble tickets! As you can tell from the previous post, i'm stupidly excited about that one! Not even bothered, I absolutely love the man! Anything else? Money things have gotten a bit silly now but i'm pretty sure i'm getting on top of things a bit more now. I go home for Easter on Saturday, can't believe how ridiculously fast this year is going! I don't really think anything else that major has been going on, everything here is still the same really, the work is pretty hard, i'm still weird as ever but it's all good cos I have my girls to make me look that bit more normal :)

I guess it's half timing

and the other half's luck.

I must be the luckiest girl going then cos me, Emma and Emily got tickets to see him.

Yes, MICHAEL FUCKING BUBLE.

6th October cannot come quick enoughhhhhh.

"IT WAS IN LOVE I WAS CREATED AND IN LOVE IS HOW I HOPE I DIE!" - perfect.

PAOLO NUTINI = LOVE.

THIS MADE MY DAY

Rhia Micklewright: i love reading your blog. dont hate yourself because of the way you look though silly, your beautiful in so many ways, what you look like shouldnt determine anything, theres so many people out there who love for WHO you are not WHAT you are, and thats what matters, and you know it! plus theres more important things in life. FACT. you can quote that if you like ;) loveyou ♥ xoxoxoxoxox

How gorgeous is that?!
I love my princess rhi rhi
xoxoxoxoxo

This is what it's all consisting of right about now...

LOADS of song lyrics... I'll never be the same, if we ever meet again // You look at me, it's like you hit me with lightening // I've been telling you with my eyes, my hearts on fire // Veux ton amour et je veux ton revenge, je veux ton amour // If you care to find me, look to the Western sky, as someone told me lately, everyone deserves a chance to fly // You put a spell on me, I don't know what to do // What's somebody like you, doing in a place

like this? // Have you ever tried sleeping with a broken heart? Well

you should try sleeping in my bed // If you want love, we'll make it, swim in a deep sea of blankets // I'm all out of luck, all out of faith, I would give everything just for a taste // Nobody likes to but I really like to cry // Why is it so above as below that i'm missing you everytime? I got used to you whispering things to me into the evening...

“The truth is: I’m terrified of the future. I’m absolutely horrified of failing. 
I just want to be somebody. Somebody great. I wish I was more like you, you're my somebody great.”

"I love you in a place, where there's no space or time and I love for my life cos you're a friend of mine, and when my life is over, remember when we were together, we were alone and I was singing my song for you."

I really hate how money seems to control everything.
I really hate how fast everything is going.
I really hate the responsibility.
I really hate feeling like i'm being forgotten, even though deep down, underneath everything, I know i'm not.
I really hate how i'm really quite unhappy with how I look, not just my weight and stuff but like, my hair and face and stuff, all of it' just generally not very nice.
I really hate how much of a worrier i've become and how much I worry about looking out for the people I care about.

^^^ I don't know how true all of that is, I just kind of started typing and that's what came out.
Score!
I've had an okay day today, was up at the crack of dawn (8am *dies* I know that's not that early but for uni, it really really is.) to get up and get ready for my presentation which was at 9 so yeah, did that and to cut a long, rather annoying story short, the presentation was pushed back until 10am so me and Josh kind of roamed about, it's fine I got a free bacon sandwich off him ;P The presentation went pretty well, i'm glad it's out of the way now... Never before have I rambled on about global technology and the media and the city of Liverpool :') I really amaze myself at times because that strange Alan man seemed to love it. I got rrreally sleepy in the lecture after the presentation and had a little nap, it was pretty incredible i'm not gonna lie, this was after I realised the woman giving the lecture looked like Konnie from Blue Peter... Oh she was a delight...
Odd blonde boy who was intent on ruining my nap: "It was pretty bad when Prince Harry dressed as a nazi but if that was one of our friends we'd find it funny..."
Konnies evil twin: "Um, I don't think i'd find it too funny if one of my friends was dressed as a nazi!"
Some randomer: "ARE YOU HITLER?!"
Yeah, welcome to Edge Hill kids!!
The lecturer woman/Konnie also declared that her writing was like 'a five year olds with special needs...' so yeah, I think a nap was the way forward.

This weekend should be gooood. Hayley and her friend Crystal are coming to stay and my cousin Mel and her friend Sam are coming aswell, house party tiiiimes. Parsnips better get better by then *growls* Yeah, i've got mixed feelings about it, it's either gonna go really good or completely crash and burn, it's fine i'll just have to get everyone wrecked :)

Oooh, I went on some travels with Emma aswell, we went and got some teeny tiny screwdrivers and some drugs from Ormskirk. The drugs were for Emmas evil cold, it's fiiine. Um, I spent my night in Winnies room with Win, Nic Nic, Emcakes and Ems having Ems read aloud what she wanted me to type for her essay, good times all round. I ended up copy and pasting pictures of celebrity men in suits onto her work though. We all ended up in Jens room before where I got a bit too excited with the cashew nuts, now I feel a bit sick :( I'm not sleepy at all cos of all my naps that i've had today (I fell asleep this afternoon back in my room after the lecture...) so yeah, wide awake now, it's fine though cos i'm not in till 1 tomorrow.

Athazagoraphobia - Fear of being forgotten.

"You can be whoever the fuck you want to be!!"

LITERALLY CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THIS WOMAN RIGHT NOW!!

Not overly sure what to put in this title bit (:

Cos they too busy livin’ the high life, the night life, huggin’ the high way, livin’ large, and they all say sometimes it seems that the going is just too rough, and things go wrong no matter what I do, now and then it seems that life is just too much but you've got the love I need to see me through...

I'm waiting for my mum to wake up and shout at me to shut up singing You've got the dirtee love :') We're not as bad now which is good, there was bad times there but i'm not going into that one anytime soon...

So yeah, you've got the dirtee love, cheeky bit of dizzee and florence, absolutely amaaaazing! She won best album of 2009 at the brits and I actually screamed, I felt like some kind of proud mother or something!
 
Hmm, i'm trying to think of what's been going on. Well, it's my reading week, kind of coming to an end though, it's been pretty unproductive really. I've not slept in my bed in my room once all week which is pretty odd but it's fine, gives room for the tent I guess (oh my life is a joke!). I've had some Cat tiiiimes which have been lovely, consisted mainly of pizza hut, the princess and the frog, lady gaga and her not cooking my fish fingers correctly, nothing out of the ordinary there then :P Ahahaha, all the girls from uni have just rang me scrrrreaming Million Dollar Bill down the phone! It was hilarious, last night in the middle of the concert, my phone goes and I answer it cos it was in my hand anyway and I just heard them all scrrrreaming Bad Romance at the top of their lungs :') I actually stood there just laughing... I've missed the a lot this week :/ Things haven't been amazingly amazing at home either which hasn't really helped. Blah.
 

I found a pretty picture of my Disney couture necklace that I got for my 18th on some random website before...

What else has happened? I bought myself some new stuff! My birthday money is now officially gone, to be fair it was never really here I spent it that fast, oh wellllll. I got some new heels, a dress, a jumper, some make up crap and the skins boxset, series one, two and three :) Quite impressive really... I've also finally sorted Pollys birthday presents out which is gooood. I had some pancakes and had some quality time with the grandparents which was lovely, it's my nanas 60th birthday party tomorrow (yes, I know, young times, we've been through the fact that my mama was only a baba when she had me, well, 20 but to me that's a baba..) which i'm really looking forward to (: Emma and Emily are coming to it, cheeky bit of a family reunion, crazy relatives on hand to buy drinks all night, dancingggg, 'she puts on a good spread!'... It's gonna be a good'un I can feel it!

 
I'm STILL trying to sort my itunes out, it's so hard! So far I have 2050 songs, that's like 2 or 3 thousand less than my old itunes had :/ It's pretty fun though, loads of old random songs keep popping into my head which is always fun...
 
I've come to the definate conclusion that I want to go and see Wicked in London, please please pleeeease pretty please!! I can't stop listening to the soundtrack, Emma is an absolute sweeeetie, she sent me For Good and was like, THIS IS ME AND YOU!! :D Awww, it gets me all goosebumpy and stuff...