o.O

I never, ever know how to start these things off you know :/

I'm actually going to type and type tonight, none of this weird cryptic crap, no, no more of that, just pure, open honesty, let's goooo.

I'm actually feeling alright. One minute i'll be fine then the next i'll be in complete turmoil, honestly, never experienced anything like this before, to say it's stressful is an absolute understatement but yeah... I know that things always work out how they're meant to in the end and I accept that, i'll accept anything that's thrown at me, I honestly don't have the strength to fight it anymore, it's just the waiting around for things to work out how they're meant to, that's the tricky bit.

Keeping busy is key, it's pretty fun aswell :D

I went to see The Bounty Hunter the other night with Naomi. We went to a late showing and ended up sat on tesco bench for almost two hours discussing everything, it was so nice. Ooh weirdness! Take back this city just came on my itunes whilst i'm talking about Naomi, I love it when things like that happen. The film was really good aswell, mmm Jennifer Aniston, mmm Gerard Butler. Absolutely delicious serrriously :)

I ended up driving round what seemed like the world with Jack the other night aswell which was nice, odd but nice! We were meant to be going to the cinema but he 'couldn't be arsed' so we ended up driving to Bramhall, Davenport, Hazel Grove, some other random place and some other place after that, then we went to the massive tesco in Stockport and I got some salt and vinegar crisps and some juice, it took me 40 minutes to eat my crisps, i'm not too sure what's wrong with me and my weirdness with crisps... So yeah, that was fun.

I went to town with Caz today which consisted of me having a happy meal whilst she was falling asleep, a random look around Schuh, a strange amount of buskers - a rapper and a saxaphone and an old man with a microphone, cd player and a pop party album, my god I love Manchester! a really strange bus journey that seemed to last foreverrrr, an icky man with cigarettes, krispy kreeeeemes, nanny mcphee 2 :D and random walks, all in all, a pretty good day :))

I've been having loads of really in depth conversations on msn with Rhia and Emma recently, it's the best thing in the worrrrld. Honestly, the other night we were just there for like, 4 hours discussing EVERYTHING and when I say everything, I really mean it. I feel so stupidly blessed to have friends like them and the other four, it scares me sometimes cos I really can't imagine them not being in my life. Wow, things got a bit deep then...

K how good is Daniel Bedingfield's first album?! Seriously! It's one of those that I can put on and listen to from start to finish, I love it! Owww, my legs itchy :/ I've already started spending my next bit of loan in my head, mmm, I honestly cannot wait! Those shoe boot things from River Island? As good as miiine mate ;) Oh no, I think the pointless rambling is about to start, ahah, as if all of this isn't pointless rambling?!

YOU SAID I'M ARRESTING,
YOU SAID I HAD HEAT,
I REALLY THOUGHT THAT WE'D GO FURTHER,
THE SECOND TIME WE'D MEET,
I'M TIRED OF TRYING TO KEEP YOU,
ALL I WANT TO DO IS SLEEP,
AND MAYBE WHEN I'M SLEEPING,
YOU'LL GET BACK ON YOUR FEET,
MAYBE WE FORGOT, ALL THE THINGS WE ARE WHEN WE ARE TOGETHER.

< 3

"If I cry a little, die a little, at least I know i've lived."

it starts with forever and ends with a touch.

"MAYBE WE FORGOT ALL THE THINGS WE ARE WHEN WE ARE TOGETHER."

i'm so scared :/ please, please, please, let it go okay.

I will show you, you're so much better than you know.

"Maybe when your heart at soul are burning at you, you might see, that everytime i'm talking to you, it's always over too soon, everyday feels so incomplete til you walk into the room."
It'd be so much easier if I didn't feel this way. So why do I love feeling this way? I love it and hate it all at the same time. Oh Natasha, baaaabe, sort your life out please. I completely understand why this is happening and I agree with it yet at the same time, I don't understand any of it and I completely disagree with all of it. It's such a mess. I'm the one making it into a mess though. Why can't I just turn my brain onto something else? Okay, note to self, your mind is not a television. It's fine, it's fine, it's fiiiine, everything always turns out the way it's meant to, if that means the hurt, it's okay because it'll lead to something better eventually. Why do I chat the biggest amount of bollocks going? Seriously. What is wrong with me? This is not okay. It's not going to be okay. I don't want it to be fucking okay. Why should it be? I am so scared i'm going to forget a single thing.
I made the stupid mistake of going through my old box of letters and stuff last night. Clever Tash, reallyyy clever -- 08/07/07; '...you're wearing a red and black top, you look really pretty and i'm falling for you.'


If you had any sense, you would've stayed away.
PLEASE COME BACK.

If I start a commotion, I run this risk of losing you and that's worse.

"I’ve loved you from the first time I saw you. I think I was twelve. It took me three years to pluck up the courage to speak to you. But I was so scared of the way I felt, you know, loving a girl. I learned how to become a sarcastic bitch just to make it feel normal. I screwed guys to make it go away, but it didn’t work. When we got together, it scared the shit out of me because you were the one person who could ruin my life. I pushed you away. I made you think things were your fault, but really, I was just terrified of pain. I screwed that girl Sophia to kinda spite you for having that hold on me. I’m a total fucking coward because I got these, these tickets to go for us three months ago. But I, but I couldn’t stand… I didn’t want to be a slave for the way I feel about you. Can you understand? You were trying to punish me back and it’s horrible. It’s so horrible because, really, I’d die for you. I love you. I love you so much and it’s killing me."

you saved my life.

Suddenly, i'm becoming part of your past,
I'm becoming the part that don't last,
I'm losing you and it's effortless.

it's getting a bit late for this sort of thing...

Back of the scooter, I clutch your waist, we rode away into the night where reality breaks. I look at you and take a picture with my hands, not much to do, sit and laugh away at things. We're on the ride and we're still jumping in and we're on the ride and we're still jumping into rivers. There's no fight, there's no challenges with you, just the night the crescent sunshine right on cue, come inside, we don't need anything or need anyone or any place, just the sun, just the sun. We're on the ride, we're still jumping in, we're still jumping into rivers, into rivers. Everything's changing colours, so everything seems so perfect, we won't know each other tomorrow but everyday's been worth it, we're on the run and we're still jumping in...

You took the part that was once my heart, so why not take all of me?

"It's the way I miss you, even before you leave."

:)

I've been neglecting this quite a lot again recently, not too sure why I even bother writing it anymore as i'm pretty sure not a single person reads it, whatever, it'll be a nice thing for me to look back over in a few months or whatever, let's just wait and see...

Back on track yeah? So i've been neglecting this, i've had loads going on though uni wise and stuff and to be honest, my head's been a bit all over the place recently, not even sure why but it's been going on a while now and i'm under the impression that it's not going to go away. Get used to it? Suuuure, why not?!

I spent this past weekend at Emmas house in Peterborough and i'm not even joking when I say I had the nicest time i've had in a while :) It was such a chill and just nice to be somewhere a bit different... I missed the rest of my girls and stuff but I think I was going quite insane with all my stupid thoughts and I think that a change of scenery has done me good, i'm pretty sure i'm looking at things slightly differently now which has to count for something. Anyway, I had such a nice time, so surreal at times but overall it was just nice :)

As you can see, I spent pretty much the entire weekend laughing like an absolute weirdo, it was exactly what I needed :) Thankyou Parsnipssss, my partner in crime! Hm, what else has been going on? Michael Buble tickets! As you can tell from the previous post, i'm stupidly excited about that one! Not even bothered, I absolutely love the man! Anything else? Money things have gotten a bit silly now but i'm pretty sure i'm getting on top of things a bit more now. I go home for Easter on Saturday, can't believe how ridiculously fast this year is going! I don't really think anything else that major has been going on, everything here is still the same really, the work is pretty hard, i'm still weird as ever but it's all good cos I have my girls to make me look that bit more normal :)

I guess it's half timing

and the other half's luck.

I must be the luckiest girl going then cos me, Emma and Emily got tickets to see him.

Yes, MICHAEL FUCKING BUBLE.

6th October cannot come quick enoughhhhhh.

"IT WAS IN LOVE I WAS CREATED AND IN LOVE IS HOW I HOPE I DIE!" - perfect.

PAOLO NUTINI = LOVE.

THIS MADE MY DAY

Rhia Micklewright: i love reading your blog. dont hate yourself because of the way you look though silly, your beautiful in so many ways, what you look like shouldnt determine anything, theres so many people out there who love for WHO you are not WHAT you are, and thats what matters, and you know it! plus theres more important things in life. FACT. you can quote that if you like ;) loveyou ♥ xoxoxoxoxox

How gorgeous is that?!
I love my princess rhi rhi
xoxoxoxoxo

This is what it's all consisting of right about now...

LOADS of song lyrics... I'll never be the same, if we ever meet again // You look at me, it's like you hit me with lightening // I've been telling you with my eyes, my hearts on fire // Veux ton amour et je veux ton revenge, je veux ton amour // If you care to find me, look to the Western sky, as someone told me lately, everyone deserves a chance to fly // You put a spell on me, I don't know what to do // What's somebody like you, doing in a place

like this? // Have you ever tried sleeping with a broken heart? Well

you should try sleeping in my bed // If you want love, we'll make it, swim in a deep sea of blankets // I'm all out of luck, all out of faith, I would give everything just for a taste // Nobody likes to but I really like to cry // Why is it so above as below that i'm missing you everytime? I got used to you whispering things to me into the evening...

“The truth is: I’m terrified of the future. I’m absolutely horrified of failing. 
I just want to be somebody. Somebody great. I wish I was more like you, you're my somebody great.”

"I love you in a place, where there's no space or time and I love for my life cos you're a friend of mine, and when my life is over, remember when we were together, we were alone and I was singing my song for you."

I really hate how money seems to control everything.
I really hate how fast everything is going.
I really hate the responsibility.
I really hate feeling like i'm being forgotten, even though deep down, underneath everything, I know i'm not.
I really hate how i'm really quite unhappy with how I look, not just my weight and stuff but like, my hair and face and stuff, all of it' just generally not very nice.
I really hate how much of a worrier i've become and how much I worry about looking out for the people I care about.

^^^ I don't know how true all of that is, I just kind of started typing and that's what came out.
Score!
I've had an okay day today, was up at the crack of dawn (8am *dies* I know that's not that early but for uni, it really really is.) to get up and get ready for my presentation which was at 9 so yeah, did that and to cut a long, rather annoying story short, the presentation was pushed back until 10am so me and Josh kind of roamed about, it's fine I got a free bacon sandwich off him ;P The presentation went pretty well, i'm glad it's out of the way now... Never before have I rambled on about global technology and the media and the city of Liverpool :') I really amaze myself at times because that strange Alan man seemed to love it. I got rrreally sleepy in the lecture after the presentation and had a little nap, it was pretty incredible i'm not gonna lie, this was after I realised the woman giving the lecture looked like Konnie from Blue Peter... Oh she was a delight...
Odd blonde boy who was intent on ruining my nap: "It was pretty bad when Prince Harry dressed as a nazi but if that was one of our friends we'd find it funny..."
Konnies evil twin: "Um, I don't think i'd find it too funny if one of my friends was dressed as a nazi!"
Some randomer: "ARE YOU HITLER?!"
Yeah, welcome to Edge Hill kids!!
The lecturer woman/Konnie also declared that her writing was like 'a five year olds with special needs...' so yeah, I think a nap was the way forward.

This weekend should be gooood. Hayley and her friend Crystal are coming to stay and my cousin Mel and her friend Sam are coming aswell, house party tiiiimes. Parsnips better get better by then *growls* Yeah, i've got mixed feelings about it, it's either gonna go really good or completely crash and burn, it's fine i'll just have to get everyone wrecked :)

Oooh, I went on some travels with Emma aswell, we went and got some teeny tiny screwdrivers and some drugs from Ormskirk. The drugs were for Emmas evil cold, it's fiiine. Um, I spent my night in Winnies room with Win, Nic Nic, Emcakes and Ems having Ems read aloud what she wanted me to type for her essay, good times all round. I ended up copy and pasting pictures of celebrity men in suits onto her work though. We all ended up in Jens room before where I got a bit too excited with the cashew nuts, now I feel a bit sick :( I'm not sleepy at all cos of all my naps that i've had today (I fell asleep this afternoon back in my room after the lecture...) so yeah, wide awake now, it's fine though cos i'm not in till 1 tomorrow.

Athazagoraphobia - Fear of being forgotten.

"You can be whoever the fuck you want to be!!"

LITERALLY CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THIS WOMAN RIGHT NOW!!

Not overly sure what to put in this title bit (:

Cos they too busy livin’ the high life, the night life, huggin’ the high way, livin’ large, and they all say sometimes it seems that the going is just too rough, and things go wrong no matter what I do, now and then it seems that life is just too much but you've got the love I need to see me through...

I'm waiting for my mum to wake up and shout at me to shut up singing You've got the dirtee love :') We're not as bad now which is good, there was bad times there but i'm not going into that one anytime soon...

So yeah, you've got the dirtee love, cheeky bit of dizzee and florence, absolutely amaaaazing! She won best album of 2009 at the brits and I actually screamed, I felt like some kind of proud mother or something!
 
Hmm, i'm trying to think of what's been going on. Well, it's my reading week, kind of coming to an end though, it's been pretty unproductive really. I've not slept in my bed in my room once all week which is pretty odd but it's fine, gives room for the tent I guess (oh my life is a joke!). I've had some Cat tiiiimes which have been lovely, consisted mainly of pizza hut, the princess and the frog, lady gaga and her not cooking my fish fingers correctly, nothing out of the ordinary there then :P Ahahaha, all the girls from uni have just rang me scrrrreaming Million Dollar Bill down the phone! It was hilarious, last night in the middle of the concert, my phone goes and I answer it cos it was in my hand anyway and I just heard them all scrrrreaming Bad Romance at the top of their lungs :') I actually stood there just laughing... I've missed the a lot this week :/ Things haven't been amazingly amazing at home either which hasn't really helped. Blah.
 

I found a pretty picture of my Disney couture necklace that I got for my 18th on some random website before...

What else has happened? I bought myself some new stuff! My birthday money is now officially gone, to be fair it was never really here I spent it that fast, oh wellllll. I got some new heels, a dress, a jumper, some make up crap and the skins boxset, series one, two and three :) Quite impressive really... I've also finally sorted Pollys birthday presents out which is gooood. I had some pancakes and had some quality time with the grandparents which was lovely, it's my nanas 60th birthday party tomorrow (yes, I know, young times, we've been through the fact that my mama was only a baba when she had me, well, 20 but to me that's a baba..) which i'm really looking forward to (: Emma and Emily are coming to it, cheeky bit of a family reunion, crazy relatives on hand to buy drinks all night, dancingggg, 'she puts on a good spread!'... It's gonna be a good'un I can feel it!

 
I'm STILL trying to sort my itunes out, it's so hard! So far I have 2050 songs, that's like 2 or 3 thousand less than my old itunes had :/ It's pretty fun though, loads of old random songs keep popping into my head which is always fun...
 
I've come to the definate conclusion that I want to go and see Wicked in London, please please pleeeease pretty please!! I can't stop listening to the soundtrack, Emma is an absolute sweeeetie, she sent me For Good and was like, THIS IS ME AND YOU!! :D Awww, it gets me all goosebumpy and stuff...

RAWWWWR

"Some girls won't dance to the beat of the track, she won't walk away but she won't look back..."

- The amaaazing Lady Gaga < 3

Me, Cat, Britt and Bexx went to see Lady Gaga at the MEN last night, it was pretty amazing if i'm being completely honest. At the time of me being there, I wasn't really taking it all in like I should have done, her songs get to me in a really odd way, it's really strange cos no other singers do that the way she does... I know I really like a singer or whatever if they get to me and she does but it's really surreal, not overly sure why. I was watching a news report thing the other day about her being amazingly talented and stuff but she takes the attention off her talent with her fashion which I think is just rubbish cos every aspect of that woman is damn incredible.

"I created the monster ball so that all the freaks were inside and the doors were locked..."

♥ ♥ ♥

CBR + JM + JL = < 3

I'm not quite sure what the overall point of this blog is going to be, then again, am I ever?

I'm on the biggest chill out music session of my life, it's incredible.

Corinne Bailey Rae + John Mayer + John Legend = LOVE.

You know what the most amaaazing thing is, I think they've got a song that they're all on...

Oh my gosh, i've actually just fell stupidly in love...

Oh wow, there's John Mayer, casually just joining in on the guitar... Oh hello John Legend on piano. Wow, this is immense.

Okay, stepping away from the musical beauty now *ohmygosssh, gravity, nomnomnommm* and onto other things... I think i'm going to dye my hair in my week off, something a bit different, maybe something a bit lighter so if it messes up I can just go over it darker? Hmm, we'll have to see

I'm going to treat myself to some new converse aswell I think... I have quite a bit of money just waiting at home for me, along with a brand new camera, i'm pretty excited about that one i'm not gonna lie.

xo.

"We are all in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars."

I keep thinking about the fact that I know who i'm definately going to be living with for the next few years and it makes me feel so stupidly lucky. I mean, no disrespect to the other corridors here at the lovely Maggie B cos I love everyone a lot and stuff but I honestly couldn't have been asked to be put with a better group of girls (along with Rhia who lives on Autism Lane and Emma who lives directly below me, it's fiiine!).

These girls, Emma, Emily, Polly, Nicola, Rhiannon and Bronwyn =

Ems, Emcakes, Poll, Nic Nic, Rhi Rhi and Winnie... Are my best friends.

They know pretttttty much every single thing about me. They have seen me so drunk that I don't know what the hell i'm doing. They have seen me cry. They have seen me laugh so much I can't breathe.

We spend too much time cotching in my room. We have the weirdest memories. We kiss farrr too much on nights out. We tell each other everything.

We are well good to be completely honest.

I wouldn't change them for anything. X

I'm nineteen now...

Fun tiiiimes.
The whole blog thing has been failing a bit, not to worry, not to worry... Loooooads of stuff's been going on, let me give you the overall, slightly odd, jist :)

My birrrrthday! Had an amazing time, much better than I thought actually :) Gnome stayed over on the Saturday night which was lovely, ended up with her and all the Maggie B beasts, amongst a few cheeky KF lads and weird 30 year olds in Alpine. My nana, grandad and sister visited on my actual birthday which was nice, Hayley ended up staying over which was a right laugh, hello war with KF :')

Oooh! I got loads of things on my birthday list! I gotttt, A camera (decided to get that instead of an iPod, i've not even seen it yet it's at home :P) Friends extended boxset, Mrs Doubtfiire, John Legend cd, Morrissey dvd, Florence poster (yeah, that's right, I have two now, amaaazing!!), not one hot water bottle but two, hello mr brown dog and buzz and woody... Umm, I can't remember what else was on the actual list but I got some other lovely things aswell, a necklace, a bracelet, a build-a-bear, a florence tshirt, money money moneeey, loads of stuff really :)

Carrrrnage on the 8th Feb! Oh lord! It was Winnies birthday aswell :))

It was a weird one to say the least, it consisted of us going into Liverpool, everyone realising they needed a wee on the train, me bumping into Kerry Lee Gale on the train, Emily getting in trouble for throwing a bottle on the floor, a plastic bottle, not a glass one :') Going to some weird drug crazed packed place called The Office, going to Reflex, also known as 80s heaven on earth, oh hello Wham! Um... Krazyhouse *Love love!!* where I saw Grace McGuire :)) Having my picture with big lady gaga and beyonce pictures, stealing the red beads, ripping a lot of tshirts, being called Tess for the night, getting a taxi back to uni at 4.30 with Emma and two random Americans, having to give one of the Americans a piggy back to halls, making spaghetti and beans at 5.30am... Good night all round really :')

I'm tyna think about if anything else has really happened? It's all been a bit of a blur to be completely honest... Damn Catharine being in Rome!! I'm not sure why but it's made this past week draggg quite a bit, I keep thinking today is Saturday but it obviously isn't. I'm going home for a week tomorrow, hello reading week. I swear i'm hardly here anymore. Blah. All my group of girlies have buggered off aswell :/ Well, Winnie is still here but is going later so tonight it's just me and Ems Buble, so it's all gooood.

http://www.channel4.com/programmes/skins/4od#3030978




this episode of skins just made me cry. a lot. score.

Cough medicine, tissues and throat sweets at 6:40am.

I have tried everything and I mean EVERYTHING to get to sleep.

I changed my pyjamas. I listened to my iPod. I lay in the dark. I turned the radiator on. I turned the radiator off. I had the tv on in the background. I lay in the pitch black in silence... It all still resulted in me lying in bed coughing like an absolute idiot so I have give up. I'm sat here, typing this, with Sex and the City on in the background. My lesson is at 10 so it's all good *cries*

It's fine though cos I found a picture of Rhia's future house...

Beautiful.

< 3 = I love how you sound when you answer the phone. I love it when you get all stressy. I love how much you love your pet fish. I love it when you text me every morning between 8am and 9am, don't ask me why, I know it's precise but yeah. I love it when you wind me up. I love it when I make you laugh. I love it when my friends love you. I love listening to songs that remind me of you. I love winding you up. I love how much we've been through. I love how passionate you get about things. I love how stubborn you are, yes, at times I hate it but shh. I love that we don't have to go to the end of the earth to prove how much we care because it's already been done, millions and millions of times. I love that I know that we will always be in each others lives. I love that i've never wanted anyone as much as I want you. I love that I must sound like an absolute slushy bitch typing this but I honestly don't care. I love that I could keep this list going on and on and on...

Lady G.

I'm sorry but give me 'Bad Romance' and 'Speechless' over 'Paparazzi' and 'Pokerface' any day.

They are two of my favourite songs, ever...

Especially Speechless, it's perfect.

I can't believe what you said to me, last night we were alone,

You threw your arms up, you gave up, you gave up.

I can't believe how you looked at me with you James Dean glossy eyes,

In your tight jeans with your long hair and your cigarette stained lies.

Could we fix you if you broke?

And is your punch line just a joke?

I'll never talk again, oh boy you've left me speechless,

You've left me speechless, so speechless.

I'll never love again,

Oh friend, you've left me speechless, so speechless.

I can't believe how you slurred at me,

With your half wired broken jaw,

You popped my heart seams,

On my dreams, bubble dreams.

I can't believe how you looked at me with your Johnny Walker eyes,

He's gonna get you,

And after he's through,

There's gonna be no more love left to rye.

I know it's complicated,

But i'm a loser in love so baby,

Raise a glass to mend all the hearts of all my wrecked up friends.

I'll never talk again, oh boy you've left me speechless,

You've left me speechless, so speechless,
I'll never love again,

Oh friend, you've left me speechless, so speechless.

After all the drinks and the bars that we've been to,

Would you give it all up? Could I give it all up for you?
After all the boys and the girls that we've been through,

Would you give it all up, could you give it all up?

Musical beauty? Yes, I think so.

What a pointless day i've had.

I woke up at like, 11ish and was fast asleep again by 1. I went out to the shop, bought myself some magazines, got in bed and watched Will & Grace, when Emily had finished her lessons, she joined me. We both fell asleep within about 20 minutes. I ventured out again in the evening to do my washing. Joy.

Things became a bit funner in the evening though, me and Emma went to McDonalds for our tea and rented The Ugly Truth and I bought Thelma and Louise, a film i've aaaalways wanted to see. We ended up watching 500 Days of Summer and The Ugly Truth, then Polly joined us and we got scared that Maggie B has a ghost. I had a shower at like midnight. I watched Shameless with Nic Nic and Emma and now here I am, got to be up at 9 but it's fine, i'll sleep like a bitch tomorrow, hello gym.

I had a revelation before, well, about 20 minutes ago, I was doing my thing, watching Grammy videos on youtube because i'm cool like that and have decided that these two women are two of the most incredible people on the planet. EVER.

I'm so lucky to say i've seen them both live. I saw Beyonce on her own and with Destiny's Child and I saw Gaga at that Rockcorps thing and am going to see her again on the 18th of February and i'm getting prettttty excited now, i'm going to live in the house of Gaga so it's fine.

IMMENSE.

It is four days until I turn nineteen...

Not quite sure what to make of it, for reasons i'm not going into.

Should be good though :)

LOVE

IF A DOUBLE DECKER BUS, CRASHES INTO US,

TO DIE BY YOUR SIDE, IS SUCH A HEAVENLY WAY TO DIE,

IF A TEN TONNE TRUCK, KILLS THE BOTH OF US,

TO DIE BY YOUR SIDE, WELL, THE PLEASURE AND THE PRIVILEGE IS MINE.

"You have to leave, I appriciate that, but I hate when conversation slips out of our grasp..."

^^ That line is gorgeous. The whole song is gorgeous.
Not even the line itself, just all the memories and stuff that it brings back. Oh hi nostalgia!
I swear, Maximo Park are absolutely GENIUS.




Summer or Winter?

I like Autumn because everything seems all orange and weird, I just had to go and be awkward didn't I? Okay, I pick Summer then, i'm getting a bit fed up of Winter now...
What’s been the happiest time of your life to date?
*Thinks* Okay, that's rrrreally hard... I can think of a lot of things but i'm not gonna type it, hello cringe fest :)) I will say this though, it's so nice that a lot of the happiest times relate to doing normal everyday things with one rrreally special person, that's pretty cringey but rather nice aswell. Also, when I got into uni, that was an immense feeling...

Saddest time of your life to date?
The really big stuff? Most recently, 16th February 2009, the end of February 2009, March 2009, July 2009.
Before that? Probably some random times in years 9 and 10, it's weird to think that the weirdness balanced itself out and it flipped to me having some of my happiest times, strrrange. Christ on a bike, year 12. An awful lot of year 12 was horrible.
Wow, miserable?!

Do you ever wish that your life had been different?
Every now and again I will go into one of my weird trance like states and imagine things if they'd been different, it often happens when i'm feeling rrreally miserable and right there in that moment, I wish everything was different. I can't help it, it's just what I do. I wish that I could take every event and tweak it ever so slightly, sometimes just for the fun of it, sometimes because i've gone over wanting to make things so different so many times... Then everything becomes a bit clearer and I think about what i've got, who i've got, what i've lost and who i've lost, i'm not over the moon with the results for the things/people i've lost but i'm so happy with the things and people that I have and that counts for everything. I believe that everything happens for a reason, even the rrreally horrible stuff, I don't always know what the reason is, sometimes you never know, sometimes it's there straight away but that's what I believe. No, I don't wish my life had been different, i'd like to change some things but I can't and that's probably for the best.

What scares you?
The dentist. I am stupidly afraid of the dentist, i'm not even sure why. I remember when I was younger my mum got really freaked out at the dentist and I was there, maybe that's what's stuck with me? Anyway, I hate it, if I ever get tooth ache I freak out completely because of that. Bleh, snakes aswell, no, no, no, I do not like snakes. I'm not very fond of blue pen either, it actually makes me feel sick, it used to be really bad but it's not so bad anymore... Okay, I sound mental, score.

What makes you happy?
Ummm, lots of things. My family, they are the biggest bunch of weirdos but have stood by me through absolutely everything, even when i've not wanted to stick by myself, when i've wanted to like, turn into someone else, they never allowed me too and always made me feel like I was enough. Aww. Then there's Catharine, actually would not be me without her, it freaks me out a bit because I rely on her an awful lot and I used to hate relying on anyone cos I was convinced i'd get let down but we kind of balance each other out and yeah :) My gorgeous friends, from Naomi to my uni girls to everyone in between, I love them all to bitssss. Hm, what else? The usual crap, music, sleeeeping...

Would you say you’ve changed much recently?
Define recently? Well, yeah, I guess. I'm changing all the time, everyone is but some things and some people are worth staying the same for and some things and people are worth changing for... It's all very odd...

Do you regret anything that you’ve done?
I like to think of the whole 'no regrets' thing because, as good old Robbie Williams once said, they don't work. He was right, they don't work at all but of course I regret stuff, not loooooads of stuff because that would be a waste of a life but yeah, I do have regrets but I can't do anything about them now.

Who has made you happiest in your life so far?
A lot of people make me so happy but when it comes down to it, Catharine Crowson. End of really.

Who has hurt you the most?
Steve but then at the same time he hasn't cos he doesn't deserve the role of having such a big impact on me. Tosser. Then there's Ellen and Cat but that's completely different cos a lot of that was my doing I guess...

How?
It doesn't really matter anymore cos what's done is done and I like to think that i'm strong enough to forgive and stuff...

Princess Rhi Rhi xo.

You are currently living it up in Disneyland Paris with all your Princess friends and the rest of the Disney gang (as you do...) and I promised you i'd do you a cheeky birthday blog so here we go...

I hope you had an absolutely amaaaazing time because you really deserve it! We all had such a good time, who knew dressing in pink could be so much fun?! Ahahaha, I hope you appriciated us breaking into your house :') I'm so glad you liked Maggie too, i'm pretty jealous that she's at Disneyland with you though :/ It's fine though, i'm looking forward to seeing the pictures of her when you get back!

Me and Polly decided we're making our own group thing, you know like brownies and guides, well, ours is The Meerkats, everyones a Meerkat, there's no stages, everyone is equal and 'special' :P We decided our first trip is going to be on concorde to reach Disneyland, yeah, it kinda failed but still, the thought was there :)

Anyway, when it comes down to it, you're one of the bestest friends ever and i'm so glad I could share your special day with youuuu :)

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

MORRISSEY = GOD

I wrote this yesterday, the 29th by the way...

STRAAANGE MOOD.
I've been up and down and up then down again but i'm pretty good now, I almost typed thanks then, not overly sure why, maybe i'm going insane or something? Maybe :)

I promised Rhi Rhi a birthday blog so she shall be getting one veryyy soon but i'm going to have a bit of ranting about crap time before that if that's okay? Good.

NO toxic friendships of any kind, just no. Everything comes out in the end, it doesn't matter how long it takes for the end to arrive, it will always come out. That is a fact, unless you have some weird stroke of luck but even then you will just be there, kicking yourself and dwindling your mind away in the past. NO. NO. NO. Not for me thankyou very much. I've had quite enough of it to be perfectly honest, just a bit of sincerity wouldn't go to waste. Rant over there then.

It's my birthday soooooon :)

I'm kind of looking forward it now, the thought of spending it with all my new friends is kind of nice because it's something i've not experienced before and all that crap... Naomi's coming to visit on the 6th aswell, that's the Saturday, the day before my birthday :) She's not been to visit me at uni yet and i'm really looking forward to her meeting everyone together and stuff... I decided before that on the Thursday before my actual birthday i'm gonna try and get all the Maggie B girls together for drinking games in the common room, hello ring of fire! Then on to the Venue. Naomi is coming on the Saturday so we will all have good times then. Sunday is my birthday and I think some family people are coming to visit for a bit. Monday is Winnies birthday and Carnage tiiiiimes :) I'm really glad I have the following week off aswell to spend some tiiiime with Cat... HELLO GAMEBOY COLOUR ;P

I keep getting asked what I want for my birthday but I can never think of things off the top of my head so here, this is what I would like, in a weird, no expenses spared birthday world:

World peace { Obvs.
Beeeeany times { <3
For everyone to have a good tiiiime { aw.
CAKE { fatty.
To lose about 47 stone { lol at the thing above.
Gameboy colour!!! { for game times.
A new iPod { for music times.
The new Friends boxset { i've lost lots of my discs, it's sad.
Florence and the Machine tickets, Blackpool, May 2010 { I.WOULD.DIE.DIE.DIE.DIE.OF.HAPPINESS.
A new bedding set { I like beddding, I was going to buy myself the Toy Story one from Argos, it was sold out, bastards.
A pony { not really, chill.
Some new heels { I don't need to explain that, surely?
£££ { see above.
Clothes { see above.
Alcohol { see above.
A hot water bottle { brrrr...
All of john legends albums { i love him.
Morrisseys live dvd { no words needed.
Some old dvd's { mrs doubtfire, that kinda thing.
Some disney dvd's { aladdin, aristocats, beauty and the beast, sleeping beauty, oliver and company...
Some new posters { not that I have any wall space but yeah... i wantttt, a smiths one and a 500 days of summer on.


PEACE.xo

Excuse my lack of enthusiasm.

I'm not very good at blogs.

I'm not very good at much lately but it's fine, it'll all work out, it always does.

BACK AT UNI NOW!!

It's so lovely to be back with the girrrrls again, when we all got back together I realised just how much i'd missed them all and yeah... Something amaaaazing has happened, we have found our house for next year! It's perfect! Hello 11 Wigan Road, yes, that's right, if anyone feels like stalking us, that's where we shall be living, oh how exciting! Pretty scary aswell i'm not gonna lie but it's so nice to have it sorted and stuff, we're signing for it tomorrow, fun tiiiimes!!

I realised something yesterday, I hate quite a lot of things. I changed my facebook about me thing to '...I like a lot of things, I hate a lot of things, I love very few things...' or something along the lines of that anyway, i'd like to go and check but facebook appears to be having some kind of a fit, one of the many things I dislike/hate, whatever. Hate's such a strong word. I hate that I don't seem to have any control over anything at the minute, I don't care how strong the word hate is in that case, it's very fitting. I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE that all of my pictures and music from my laptop have decided to go away, stupid computer man. I think i'd rather my work bugger off than my pictures and music, wow, that's bad isn't it? Hah, oh priorities.

City and Colour are beautifuuuuul, i've just decided.
"I've seen a palace in London, i've seen a castle in Wales but i'd rather wake up beside you and breathe that old familiar smell... I never thought you could leave me, I figured I was the one, now I understand your sadness so I guess I should just hold my tongue..."

K so it's like 3am now. I was watching Will & Grace but somehow ended up doing this... I'm going to sleep now cos this is getting stupid.

It's not like me, I never feel at all.

Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight xo.

I skipped to Day 16 because I felt like it.

day 16 → a song that makes you cry (or nearly)

Right. I'm an absolute mardarse at the best of times but music is the one thing that rrreally gets to me, songs don't have to be particularly upsetting but if they make me think of certain things or I listen to them when i'm a certain world well yeah, that's it then...

Goo Goo Dolls - Iris
This is the first song I think of when I think of songs that upset me. I had this rrreally awful night back in year 10 and this song was on and it just really stuck with me and it still does, it's pretty beautiful though...


Damien Rice - Cannonball
I'm not eeeven gonna write anything here you know...


Avril Lavigne - When you're gone
I'm not gonna put a video for that one on here because I can't actually listen to it anymore so yeah, good times.

David Gray - Shine
Perfect. Perfect. Perfect.
"No matter how cold your eyes will appear, or how far the first night when I held you near, we're gonna rise from these ashes like a butterfly, take my hand, we're gonna go where we can shine. For all that we struggle, for all we pretend, you know, you know, you know, it don't come down to nothing, except love in the end, and ours is a road that is strewn with goodbyes and as it unfolds, as it all unwinds, remember your soul is the one thing you can't compromise..."


Dido - Here with me
Old schooool.


City and Colour - Sleeping Sickness
Weirdest song around. Weirdest video around. Sums me up really. Can't stop listening to it...



I'm probably depressing people slightly now so I shall stop. Sozzzz.

I'm pretty gutted

I've left my Audrey Hepburn boxset at uni and am rrrreally feeling to fall asleep watching Breakfast at Tiffany's :( Ahh well, niiiiight xo.

Emily...

I can't believe you've never heard Laura Marling, she's pretty incredible it has to be said andddd she's only a baby, a year younger than me to be exact, hello february 7th!

ENJOY :) X !!

Day Twelve:

...
day 09 → a photo you took
day 10 → a photo of you taken over ten years ago
day 11 → a photo of you taken recently
day 12 → whatever tickles your fancy

Hmm, never had one of these before, i'm feeling pretty spoilt for choice right about now...



I'm not completely sure how I came across Ellie Goulding but I think i've fell a little bit in love tbh, her voice is so strange. I had a bit of a limewire session before and downloaded looooads of old songs and Be Mine by Robyn was one of them and I somehow ended up with this version aswell = <3!!

The song rrreally gets to me. For some weird reason, it reminds me of being in year 12 and getting ready to go to college in winter, I remember that bit cos it was still dark outside and it was on that channel 4 morning music show, I think it was called Just Squeezed or something odd like that and anyway, it'd aaaalways be on and i'd listen to it all day in college, bet you enjoyed that story didn't you? Ahaaah!

:)

PS.

I forgot one rrreally exciting thing that's happened, Cat's ordered me this for my birthday...

Ohhhhhhh yeah! ;D

Hiiiiiiiiiiii.

The whole me having a blog concept is kind of throwing itself out of the window, well, maybe it's me throwing it out of the window... Whatever, it's been failing a bit, ohhhno!

CATCH UP TIME?!

- Fun times with Lauren + Alex at 5th, consisted of... a lot of vodka (triples?!), me getting overly excited at the thought of Lauren having a cousin, me and alex getting really snap happy together which resulted in us looking like a hardcore lesbian couple for most of the night :'), beigey pissing la roux, snowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, gay porn with kenzie on, limes, wheat crunchies + ribena, nobody on earth owning a nokia charger, "awwwww", 7th floor - messy, sitting in that matt guys room on facebook at 5.30am... I think you get the picture :D Fun times!!

Wasted? Suuuuure :')

- SNOWY AS A BITCH!! Manchester, place of no snow, got snow, LOTS of it! Pretty much all of the schools and colleges were closed for most of last week and stuff and apparently it's carrying on for a while. It's pretty annoying considering I went riiiiight through school and college and 'snow days' only really seemed to exist in really rubbish American films :/ Jealous? Yeah, I kind of was!

- Had a couple of nice times with Gnome :) Lots of pitchers were drank, brothels alarms were set off, meteor showers were witnessed... Just the usual kind of stuff really :P

- Realised that Catharines apple tango addiction is beyond worrying, seriously, she needs help of some sort :P

Lots has been going on, let's just blame that for my lack of entries yeeees?

:)

Day Eleven:

...
day 08 → a photo that makes you angry/sad
day 09 → a photo you took
day 10 → a photo of you taken over ten years ago
day 11 → a photo of you taken recently

"LAUREN! LOOK AT THIS REALLY NICE PICTURE I TOOK FOR YOU!"

:')

Day Ten:

...

day 06 → whatever tickles your fancy
day 07 → a photo that makes you happy
day 08 → a photo that makes you angry/sad
day 09 → a photo of you taken over 10 years ago
day 10 → a photo you took

Snow snow snow snow.
Well, actually, slush but yeah. This was just after Christmas, before the snow got rrreally bad. Nom nom.

Day Nine:

...
day 05 → your favourite quote

day 06 → whatever tickles your fancy
day 07 → a photo that makes you happy
day 08 → a photo that makes you angry/sad
day 09 → a photo of you taken over 10 years ago

ABSOLUTELY CHILLING : P

Day Eight.

...
day 05 → your favourite quote
day 06 → whatever tickles your fancy
day 07 → a photo that makes you happy
day 08 → a photo that makes you angry/sad


Don't wannaaaaa : /