31 March, 2010

I love you so much that sometimes I forget to breathe.

I don't like being on such a downer but I really am at the minute, for very obvious reasons.
I wish I wasn't but I am and i'm trying to deal with it as best as I can.
I'm not all about the sadness though, I like lots of things :)

I like clean bedding.
I like walking in the rain.
I like walking round the park for hours listening to my iPod.
I like laughing so much it hurts.
I like it when i'm hungry and I remember my mum's been shopping that day, nom.
I like late nights and lie ins.
I like having really long baths.
I like reading for ages.
I like seeing Manchester when i've been away from it for a while.
I like finding songs that match my emotions exactly.
I like good films.
I like weird videos.
I like sandwiches.
I like catssssssss.
I like downloading music.
I like letters.
I like lamps.

I like LOADS of things.
I just like them so much better when i'm with you.
I like everything better with you.

You're the one thing I truly love.

Just a small town girl, living in lonely world xo

I'm on msn to the lovely Princess Rhi Rhi and this is what I just said; I'm tryna do a blog which means I have to go into my thoughts, not sure if that's a good thing or not...

She just told me to dedicate it to her, I might do just that you know, get the creativity running and stuff :))

This girl is pretty immense. It's that simple really. She has made me see that opposites really do attract, it's really strange cos she's an absolute girlie girl and i'm not so much and I used to think that she only made me realise that opposites attract, they rub off onto each other cos I find myself relating to her in a way I never really thought I would and I really like it. She doesn't even go to Maggie B ("SHE DOESN'T EVEN GO HERE!!") yet everyone absolutely loves her and she just chills in on our hall meetings and stuff ("It's like St. Trinians!") which just goes to show how immense she is. Seriously, I freak out when she's not cotching around halls, I get seriously worried! We have been close for a good while now, obvsssss but over this holiday we've been speaking loooads (seriously, none of my beautiful group of girlies have lives, it's a joke.) not just about the random crap (hello stalking mel c?!) but really important things aswell, it's weird cos I know the things that she has said and told me and whatever are things that i'm going to keep with me for the rest of my life and that to me is pretty crazy but I love it because i'd quite like to keep her in my life for that amount of time aswell, that amount of time being the rest of my life :) This is gonna be stupidly cringey and stuff so look away now but I really wish she'd realise that she is a princess in her own right, not a disney one, one better than that, one that I admire, one that I get paraletic with, one that I repect and one that is one of the bestest friends I could everrr ask for!
xoxoxoxoxoxox




27 March, 2010

"How happy is the blameless Vestal’s lot! The world forgetting, by the world forgot Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! Each pray’r accepted, and each wish resign’d”

o.O

I never, ever know how to start these things off you know :/

I'm actually going to type and type tonight, none of this weird cryptic crap, no, no more of that, just pure, open honesty, let's goooo.

I'm actually feeling alright. One minute i'll be fine then the next i'll be in complete turmoil, honestly, never experienced anything like this before, to say it's stressful is an absolute understatement but yeah... I know that things always work out how they're meant to in the end and I accept that, i'll accept anything that's thrown at me, I honestly don't have the strength to fight it anymore, it's just the waiting around for things to work out how they're meant to, that's the tricky bit.

Keeping busy is key, it's pretty fun aswell :D

I went to see The Bounty Hunter the other night with Naomi. We went to a late showing and ended up sat on tesco bench for almost two hours discussing everything, it was so nice. Ooh weirdness! Take back this city just came on my itunes whilst i'm talking about Naomi, I love it when things like that happen. The film was really good aswell, mmm Jennifer Aniston, mmm Gerard Butler. Absolutely delicious serrriously :)

I ended up driving round what seemed like the world with Jack the other night aswell which was nice, odd but nice! We were meant to be going to the cinema but he 'couldn't be arsed' so we ended up driving to Bramhall, Davenport, Hazel Grove, some other random place and some other place after that, then we went to the massive tesco in Stockport and I got some salt and vinegar crisps and some juice, it took me 40 minutes to eat my crisps, i'm not too sure what's wrong with me and my weirdness with crisps... So yeah, that was fun.

I went to town with Caz today which consisted of me having a happy meal whilst she was falling asleep, a random look around Schuh, a strange amount of buskers - a rapper and a saxaphone and an old man with a microphone, cd player and a pop party album, my god I love Manchester! a really strange bus journey that seemed to last foreverrrr, an icky man with cigarettes, krispy kreeeeemes, nanny mcphee 2 :D and random walks, all in all, a pretty good day :))

I've been having loads of really in depth conversations on msn with Rhia and Emma recently, it's the best thing in the worrrrld. Honestly, the other night we were just there for like, 4 hours discussing EVERYTHING and when I say everything, I really mean it. I feel so stupidly blessed to have friends like them and the other four, it scares me sometimes cos I really can't imagine them not being in my life. Wow, things got a bit deep then...

K how good is Daniel Bedingfield's first album?! Seriously! It's one of those that I can put on and listen to from start to finish, I love it! Owww, my legs itchy :/ I've already started spending my next bit of loan in my head, mmm, I honestly cannot wait! Those shoe boot things from River Island? As good as miiine mate ;) Oh no, I think the pointless rambling is about to start, ahah, as if all of this isn't pointless rambling?!

YOU SAID I'M ARRESTING,
YOU SAID I HAD HEAT,
I REALLY THOUGHT THAT WE'D GO FURTHER,
THE SECOND TIME WE'D MEET,
I'M TIRED OF TRYING TO KEEP YOU,
ALL I WANT TO DO IS SLEEP,
AND MAYBE WHEN I'M SLEEPING,
YOU'LL GET BACK ON YOUR FEET,
MAYBE WE FORGOT, ALL THE THINGS WE ARE WHEN WE ARE TOGETHER.

25 March, 2010

< 3

"If I cry a little, die a little, at least I know i've lived."

it starts with forever and ends with a touch.



"MAYBE WE FORGOT ALL THE THINGS WE ARE WHEN WE ARE TOGETHER."

i'm so scared :/ please, please, please, let it go okay.

23 March, 2010

I will show you, you're so much better than you know.

"Maybe when your heart at soul are burning at you, you might see, that everytime i'm talking to you, it's always over too soon, everyday feels so incomplete til you walk into the room."
It'd be so much easier if I didn't feel this way. So why do I love feeling this way? I love it and hate it all at the same time. Oh Natasha, baaaabe, sort your life out please. I completely understand why this is happening and I agree with it yet at the same time, I don't understand any of it and I completely disagree with all of it. It's such a mess. I'm the one making it into a mess though. Why can't I just turn my brain onto something else? Okay, note to self, your mind is not a television. It's fine, it's fine, it's fiiiine, everything always turns out the way it's meant to, if that means the hurt, it's okay because it'll lead to something better eventually. Why do I chat the biggest amount of bollocks going? Seriously. What is wrong with me? This is not okay. It's not going to be okay. I don't want it to be fucking okay. Why should it be? I am so scared i'm going to forget a single thing.

I made the stupid mistake of going through my old box of letters and stuff last night. Clever Tash, reallyyy clever -- 08/07/07; '...you're wearing a red and black top, you look really pretty and i'm falling for you.'


If you had any sense, you would've stayed away.
PLEASE COME BACK.

If I start a commotion, I run this risk of losing you and that's worse.

"I’ve loved you from the first time I saw you. I think I was twelve. It took me three years to pluck up the courage to speak to you. But I was so scared of the way I felt, you know, loving a girl. I learned how to become a sarcastic bitch just to make it feel normal. I screwed guys to make it go away, but it didn’t work. When we got together, it scared the shit out of me because you were the one person who could ruin my life. I pushed you away. I made you think things were your fault, but really, I was just terrified of pain. I screwed that girl Sophia to kinda spite you for having that hold on me. I’m a total fucking coward because I got these, these tickets to go for us three months ago. But I, but I couldn’t stand… I didn’t want to be a slave for the way I feel about you. Can you understand? You were trying to punish me back and it’s horrible. It’s so horrible because, really, I’d die for you. I love you. I love you so much and it’s killing me."


22 March, 2010

you saved my life.

Suddenly, i'm becoming part of your past,
I'm becoming the part that don't last,
I'm losing you and it's effortless.

16 March, 2010

it's getting a bit late for this sort of thing...

Back of the scooter, I clutch your waist, we rode away into the night where reality breaks. I look at you and take a picture with my hands, not much to do, sit and laugh away at things. We're on the ride and we're still jumping in and we're on the ride and we're still jumping into rivers. There's no fight, there's no challenges with you, just the night the crescent sunshine right on cue, come inside, we don't need anything or need anyone or any place, just the sun, just the sun. We're on the ride, we're still jumping in, we're still jumping into rivers, into rivers. Everything's changing colours, so everything seems so perfect, we won't know each other tomorrow but everyday's been worth it, we're on the run and we're still jumping in...
You took the part that was once my heart, so why not take all of me?
"It's the way I miss you, even before you leave."

:)

I've been neglecting this quite a lot again recently, not too sure why I even bother writing it anymore as i'm pretty sure not a single person reads it, whatever, it'll be a nice thing for me to look back over in a few months or whatever, let's just wait and see...

Back on track yeah? So i've been neglecting this, i've had loads going on though uni wise and stuff and to be honest, my head's been a bit all over the place recently, not even sure why but it's been going on a while now and i'm under the impression that it's not going to go away. Get used to it? Suuuure, why not?!

I spent this past weekend at Emmas house in Peterborough and i'm not even joking when I say I had the nicest time i've had in a while :) It was such a chill and just nice to be somewhere a bit different... I missed the rest of my girls and stuff but I think I was going quite insane with all my stupid thoughts and I think that a change of scenery has done me good, i'm pretty sure i'm looking at things slightly differently now which has to count for something. Anyway, I had such a nice time, so surreal at times but overall it was just nice :)






























As you can see, I spent pretty much the entire weekend laughing like an absolute weirdo, it was exactly what I needed :) Thankyou Parsnipssss, my partner in crime! Hm, what else has been going on? Michael Buble tickets! As you can tell from the previous post, i'm stupidly excited about that one! Not even bothered, I absolutely love the man! Anything else? Money things have gotten a bit silly now but i'm pretty sure i'm getting on top of things a bit more now. I go home for Easter on Saturday, can't believe how ridiculously fast this year is going! I don't really think anything else that major has been going on, everything here is still the same really, the work is pretty hard, i'm still weird as ever but it's all good cos I have my girls to make me look that bit more normal :)



I guess it's half timing

and the other half's luck.


I must be the luckiest girl going then cos me, Emma and Emily got tickets to see him.
Yes, MICHAEL FUCKING BUBLE.
6th October cannot come quick enoughhhhhh.







02 March, 2010

THIS MADE MY DAY

Rhia Micklewright: i love reading your blog. dont hate yourself because of the way you look though silly, your beautiful in so many ways, what you look like shouldnt determine anything, theres so many people out there who love for WHO you are not WHAT you are, and thats what matters, and you know it! plus theres more important things in life. FACT. you can quote that if you like ;) loveyou ♥ xoxoxoxoxox

How gorgeous is that?!
I love my princess rhi rhi
xoxoxoxoxo